dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
