so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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