What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
