I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
smell my finger.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
