If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
