Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
