Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
