I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Someone shattered a urinal.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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