he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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