They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
