dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
