this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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