he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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