Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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