I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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