i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
