She said her name was "party"
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
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