Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
