This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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