I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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