My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
This toilet bowl is my home.
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