I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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