Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
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