I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
