Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize