I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
