i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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