it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
