I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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