Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
