Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i've created a new STD.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
