I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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