I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
