508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
