he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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