I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
