So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Randomize
