I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Randomize
