trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
