no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
