all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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