I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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