i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
she peed on how many people?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
