i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Drake has all the answers
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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