You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
This baby is an asshole
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize