I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
