No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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