This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
