my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
