i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I checked into jail on foursquare
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
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