I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
