Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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