She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
is wine microwaveable?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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