If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
