we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize