careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
