haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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