textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
