We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
