I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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