somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
