I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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