I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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