i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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