my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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