Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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