Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Randomize
