Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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