i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
