we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
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