I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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