it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
