BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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