Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
We had to coat check the pizza.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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