At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I love how my cats smell like pot.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
We're hate flirting, damnit.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
