upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
