Will you blow on my dice?
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
