Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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