I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
God, you're like boner-b-gone
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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