He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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