If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
foreskin is a definite game changer
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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