i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
