It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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