He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
