I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
