How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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