Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I just want to make out with him forever
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
