i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
