You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
you are never too drunk for berry picking
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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