woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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