Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
