did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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