Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
