its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
So apparently I’m into choking now
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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