omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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