Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Your penis caused this!
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