This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
