After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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