just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I love having hate sex.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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