If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
