yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
