How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
