The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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