His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
