her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
My first STD was from a foam party
No stitches, just platelets and will power
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize