So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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