He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
