That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
