moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Its about making memories worth repressing
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
