1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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