If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize
