there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
