I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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