Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
