When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize