Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i dont even know how to be here
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
