Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
