you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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