I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize